Let It Snow!
by M. Elizabeth Ravensblood
Summary: Jack and Samantha entertain John and Bailey at the holidays. Skewed romantic romp, character death warning.


Author's Note: No offense to Grant or Malone fans, but Jack was feeling wicked this holiday season. Reviews are greatly appreciated.

John came to on the floor of the conservatory. Earlier he and Bailey had been invited to Sam and Ed's for a Christmas dinner. Sam had been alone when she served, saying her husband would be along shortly; but he was running late. Privately he and Bailey agreed they couldn't understand what Samantha saw in her husband. Sheriff Edwin Boast of Otis, California had seemed so slow witted that neither man took it seriously when the unlikely pair began dating. To their shock, a month later, Sam and Ed were engaged and had moved in together. Apparently Ed had money and had an enormous house built for his bride in Virginia.

Laying on the floor, John realized bitterly, just why Ed was so wealthy. The bumbling Sheriff Boast was Jack and apparently Sam was completely aware of his identity. Sam had insisted the share a toast while waiting for her husband. No sooner had Grant and Malone taken a couple sips and they were unable to move. That was when Ed came in, or rather Jack. Gone was the sheriff's uniform and paunchy middle of Ed Boast and in his place was a sinewy Jack wearing and ivory tuxedo.

"Well done Samantha," Jack praised his wife and wrapped his arms around her.

Sam beamed at Jack, "Really? I wanted to do it just right."

"I think you dosed them with just the right amount of Versaid. Why don't you get dressed for our party now darling, while I get our guests ready," Jack suggested.

"Are you sure you can manage by yourself? John looks like he's been hitting the desert cart a bit much lately," Sam looked at her former colleague contemptuously.

"Positive. I'm dying to see you in your new dress and you know we always color coordinate when we're going to kill."

Samantha eyed her husband worshipfully and kissed him passionately before leaving the room. Life with Jack was wonderful and she knew that killing John and Bailey would bring them even closer! Cheerfully, Samantha changed into her new dress, humming as she did. As much fun as the game had been when they played against one another, it was even more fun now that they played on the same side. Jack was so inventive in his lovemaking and killing and frequent combination thereof. The only regret that Samantha had was that she had fought Jack for so long; but he consoled her with the assurance that her surrender was that much sweeter for the wait.

Jack lifted and carried John and then Bailey into the huge conservatory where he grew his roses year round. Quickly, he tied the pair up before the Versaid wore off, he'd only let his Samantha give them a small dose to incapacitate them briefly. He wanted them to feel every splendid moment he had planned for them. Once the pair were trussed up, Jack placed a red nose and a reindeer horn headband on John then put an elf hat on Bailey's head. Standing back to admire the effect, he was delighted when they recovered movement and speech. Their struggles and curses were tremendously amusing.

Samantha entered the conservatory wearing a long ivory dress with a fluffy skirt that was reminiscent of on another era. Pleased with the effect, Jack gathered her in his arms and spun her around in delight. The captives were briefly forgotten as the enthralled couple stared at one another. A litany of curses from John intruded and reluctantly the pair returned to the task at hand.

"Sam, how can you do this?" John demanded in disbelief.

Wickedly, Samantha laughed and curled around Jack, "The question isn't how, it's why didn't I do it sooner."

"You! You did something to her, you sick son of a bitch!" Bailey bellowed.

"Did I do something to you, my Samantha?"

"Nothing I didn't want you to," she purred contentedly. Jack nuzzled her neck and Samantha pressed, "Speaking of doing things to me, the sooner we kill them, the sooner I can have my way with you Mr. Trades."

Jack laughed, "Always so eager my Samantha."

"I think I'm gonna be sick," John interrupted.

"Makes two of us," Bailey agreed.

"Our love makes you sick, does it?" Samantha giggled.

As the two men continued to disparage the union of the lovers, Jack simply smiled. He moved to small table and picked up pair of syringes and a vial. Grant and Malone's eyes went wide as Jack approached Sam with the needles. Eagerly, she reached out for the vial and held it as Jack drew two full syringes. Once the shots were ready, Sam laid the vial aside and accepted a syringe from Jack. Horror turned to puzzlement on the men's faces as the lovers held the needles over each other's heads and kissed passionately.

Noting the puzzled looks, Jack inquired, "Isn't is customary to kiss under mistletoe?"

"That's not mistletoe," Grant sneered.

"Wrong as usual, John," Samantha trilled, her eyes alight with excitement.

"Since you have each in your own way harbored a little crush on my wife and it's the holidays, I thought what better way to kill you than with mistletoe. So I made up a nice little spot of essence of mistletoe to enhance your holiday spirit."

"Sam, you don't want to do this. You need help," Bailey tried to reason with her, as the couple moved closer to them.

"Wrong Bail, I can't wait to do this. Jack is all the help I've ever needed," she replied. Turning to her husband she asked, "Which one do you want to do?"

Jack stood and contemplated, as his Samantha stood in anticipation. That clown Grant had dared to put his lips on his Samantha once. While that made Jack more than eager to kill him, she had told him how disgusting it had been and shared several fantasies with him about killing John. Malone on the other hand was just as bad in his own way with his pathetic little crush he'd nursed for Sam. Fools, imagining they even had a chance with his wife, Jack mused.

"Ladies choice, my Samantha," Jack answered at last.

Sam hesitated, if she killed Malone he would be deliciously hurt by her betrayal, but on the other hand she'd wanted to wipe that smug expression off John's face since the day she met him. An idea occurred to her and she whispered in her husbands ear. Jack listened with delight and readily agreed. He sat his injection down by the vial and as Sam bent over Malone, wrapped his arms around her. Hand in hand, they injected her mentor together. A moment later, Jack took the other syringe and together the couple injected Grant.

"Gentleman, make yourselves at home," Jack told them graciously. "Over the next five hours you'll suffer intense abdominal pains, followed by convulsions, then finally cardiac arrest."

"And then you'll feed my Jack's roses," Samantha informed them. Looking at her husband, she beamed, "I'm so lucky to have a husband who gives me such beautiful roses everyday."

Jack, kissed his wife's hand and walked to the entry of the conservatory. After pushing several buttons on the control panel, the glass roof, slowly retracted. The heat was warm enough inside his roses wouldn't suffer any ill effects, but Jack wanted to let the snow fall down over them. A gentle but insistent cascade of flakes floated down around the lovers and their guests. Samantha grabbed a remote that was hidden behind a rose bush and pressed the buttons. While Jack preferred his records, she had proved to him the value of repeat play available with Cds.

As Jack walked towards his wife, she pressed a button and the sound of 101 Strings filled the air with the song _Let It Snow_. Tossing the remote aside, she dipped into a curtsy and he bowed. Agonizing pains were starting to seize their guests as the couple began to dance. Jack had years of ballroom dance lessons from various finishing schools and Samantha had proved an excellent pupil. The pair looked a bit like something from an old Fred and Ginger movie, John thought in between violent pains. Jack and Samantha waltzed throughout the conservatory, spinning and whirling through the roses. When the song ended, it struck up again and the couple continued their dance.

Over the next several hours as their guest writhed in agony, Jack and his Samantha danced among the roses under the stars and snow...

_Oh the weather outside is frightful_

_But killing is so delightful_

_And since we've no place to go_

_Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!_

_It doesn't show signs of stopping_

_And the corpses soon will be dropping_

_The lights are turned way down low_

_Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!_

_When we turn in for the night_

_I'll undress your form_

_But if you only hold me tight_

_All the through the night we'll be warm._

_Our guest are slowly dying_

_But neither of us is crying_

_As long as you love me so_

_Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!_


End file.
